


He Needed This

by soupstarsandsilence



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Logan is a good friend, Patton is a good Dad, Roman needs a hug, virgil is a good friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:33:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22570291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soupstarsandsilence/pseuds/soupstarsandsilence
Summary: Sometimes he just wants the fear, wants the hurt. He wants to give in to the terrorising thoughts that plague him, and let them run wild through his mind. Sometimes he just needs to find a quiet corner in Virgil’s room and exist for a while.
Comments: 15
Kudos: 62





	He Needed This

**Author's Note:**

> x please let me know if you find editing errors.

Roman drew his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around his shins. He gazed unseeingly at the floor and sighed, waiting for the numb buzz in his mind to be replaced by an assault of anxiety.

He just. He needed it. He needed to feel it.

_“Thomas messed up the audition this morning. He faltered at the start, and his voice cracked on three notes, and the last line was totally off-key. The judges are probably still laughing at him now. You really screwed this one up for him, Roman. How could you let this happen? He trusted you to see him through this fine, and look where that got him. What if he never gets cast into anything ever again because of this mistake? What will his friends think? What will yours? Everyone is probably so disappointed in you.”_

Curling up tighter, Roman let the voice take over.

_“Maybe the others will send you away. They’re probably so sick of everything about you anyway. They’ll prefer Remus. They’ve probably already asked him to replace you, and are just waiting for the right time to tell you. They hate you, for sure. They hate you they hate you they hate you they hate you._

_You’re pathetic.”_

Roman choked on a sob, and tears started to drip from his eyes. He started shaking, and distantly he wondered how dark the shadows under his eyes were. The voices got louder and darker and faster, and Roman let them. He needed to hear this, needed to remind himself. Of his insecurities, of his failures, of what could be, and what he was fairly sure wasn’t true.

Fairly sure.

The others didn’t hate him, they weren’t going to replace him with Remus, and Thomas would bounce back from this setback soon enough and find himself a new audition to go to.

Right?

_“Wrong wrong wrong they hate you they hate you you’re a disaster and you ruined everything nothing will ever be okay again everyone is probably so angry with you.”_

He whimpered and squeezed his eyes tightly shut. He’d reached the point where he’d usually get up and leave, but this time he wasn’t sure he wanted to, or even could. He needed this.

Right?

_“You’re so broken. So, so broken. It’s no wonder you can’t do your job correctly.”_

His resolve shattered as his thoughts tuned ever darker, and he rested his head against the wall as he cried, deciding to let whatever happened, happen.

Of course, very little time actually passed before he felt a presence encroaching on his space. He opened his eyes to see Virgil kneeling next to him. The anxious side smiled softly at him, though his eyes held concern. Roman leaned his whole body against Virgil, and let out a long, shuddering sigh.

“Come on, Princey. You’ve had enough now.” Virgil squeezed his shoulder lightly, and Roman whimpered again. Virgil helped him stand on shaky legs, and soon the two were sinking down, and up into Roman’s room.

Virgil gently lowered him onto his bed, and Roman groaned quietly as the anxious thoughts slowly abated. He stared at the ceiling while Virgil went to get him some water and tissues.

This was their routine. Roman would go to Virgil, and request to borrow a corner of his room for a while. Virgil would lurk out of his eyesight while Roman wallowed, and help him back to his room either when he stood up, or Virgil decided he’d been there long enough.

He knew Virgil wasn’t… Happy with the arrangement. That the anxious side didn’t understand why Roman needed this – wanted this – but he cautiously accepted it, if it meant that Roman wouldn’t just go into his room on his own and sit there for hours, like he had the first time.

That had been a bad day for everyone.

“Hey, Princey, sit up for me.”

Roman’s eyes flit towards the source of the voice, and saw Virgil standing over him, water and tissues in hand. Roman slowly sat himself up, and quietly let Virgil fuss over him. It was in these moments, after Roman was done with his scheduled breakdown, that he really saw how Patton’s ‘parenting’ had influenced Virgil. The anxious side was so, incredibly _caring_ during these moments, that Roman struggled to associate him with the Anxiety he had first met. He rivalled Patton for the title of Motherhen.

Tears were still slowly leaking from his eyes, and he sniffled. He felt truly, truly exhausted, as he always did in these moments, but the routine wasn’t over yet.

Virgil sat with him for a long while, rubbing his back and stroking his hair, and assuring him that he wasn’t a failure, that nobody hated him, and that everything would be fine. After a while, the words tapered off into a quiet humming, and Roman closed his eyes. He relaxed into his pillows when Virgil guided him into them, and he fell asleep soon after.

Virgil never left him alone the night following a breakdown, as he was prone to nightmares once in a while. The two would wake up in Roman’s bed, and Virgil would smile at him, and ask if he felt better, and Roman would smile back and say he did.

And he did, he truly did. He had no idea _why_ that was so, but he wasn’t up to questioning it.

He was always somewhat subdued the following day, and while Patton and Logan may not have known why, they were quick to offer him smiles, words of encouragement, and hugs when he needed them. It was nice.

“You ready to get up?”

Roman blinked slowly and stretched.

“Yeah.”

* * *

Logan was sitting at the table, coffee and book in hand, and Patton was making pancakes when the two of them arrived.

“Morning,” Logan greeted them with a distracted wave, still very focused on his book. Patton turned around and grinned at them. Good morning, you two! Did you sleep well?”

“It was decent.” Virgil replied. Roman studied the tablecloth, unable to find the voice necessary to reply. It happened sometimes. He was still… Embarrassed… That his displays of weakness were necessary, and hated how they always lingered into the following day.

Patton was the King of Understanding, however, and quickly drew him into a hug after studying his face for a moment.

“One of those days?” He asked quietly.

Roman sucked in a long breath. “Yeah…”

Patton squeezed him tight for a moment before releasing him. “Go sit down. Breakfast will be ready soon.”

“Okay.” He made to move towards the table, but faltered. Seconds passed and he stayed still, until Virgil released a quiet huff and gently nudged him to sit beside Logan. The logical side released his grip on his mug as he sat down, and took one of Roman’s hands into his own. He ran his thumb over Roman’s knuckles, but his eyes remained on his book. Virgil caught Roman’s eye and mouthed _‘nerd’._ Roman laughed quietly, and the other three sides grinned at the sound.

The minutes passed in comfortable silence, and soon, Patton placed a large tray of pancakes, a fruit salad and some toast on the table. “Logan, no reading while we’re eating, please,” The moral side requested. Logan grumbled, but vanished the book from view, letting go of Roman’s hand as he did so. Everyone quickly became distracted with food, and Roman lost himself to the warm domesticity of it.

They talked quietly amongst themselves as they ate. It was… Different, when Roman wasn’t his usual loud, boisterous self, but it wasn’t a bad or good different. It just was. He was allowed to be quiet and sad now and then. It was okay. He knew he didn’t have to put up a strong act in front of his friends (even if he often wished he could).

After breakfast, the four of them moved into the lounge to relax before they started on any necessary chores. Patton scoured the racks of DVDs for a few minutes before putting one on – _The Land Before Time._ Roman smiled. It wasn’t a Disney movie, but he loved it all the same. His favourite character was Ducky; the small green girl was far too pure for the world, in his opinion.

Roman found himself squished between Virgil and Patton as the opening narration started, and he sighed contentedly.

This is what he needed.


End file.
